Neti Pot Snafu Results in Spontaneous Baptism

Let's talk about Neti Pots. Yes, Neti Pots. I have one. I even use it when the occasion arises. Such an occasion arose this week, as I have been fighting off a cold, tooth and nasal.

My pre-cold feeling of ickiness inspired me to go for a respiratory rinse this morning, as I had yesterday and the day before. Today's rinse went as usual, although the water was too hot, so I might have burned the inside of my nasal passages. Whoops. After the Neti Pot session, however, I noticed a great deal of dripping coming from my nose. Not snotty drippings, just water. I wiped the surrounding area and continued on.

Later that morning I went to a local shoe store, to buy local shoes. I'm looking for a new pair of gym shoes to wear at the gym, because I spend a lot of time at the gym, wearing shoes. A kind gentledude assisted me in this endeavor, and brought out a couple of brightly colored gym shoes, because apparently all gym shoes are brightly colored. I'm serious, its like the manufacturers think that gyms don't have overhead lighting or something.

Anyway, I bent down to try on one of these shoes, and then something happened. Something really happened.  My nose began to pour. My nose gave forth a stream, A STREAM, of water which traveled seamlessly from nostril to the shoe and shoebox at my feet.

Horror does not describe what I felt at the moment. So what did I do? I sniffed. I sniffed really, really hard, and said, "Man, I'm having some runny nose issues right about now." The kind gentledude chuckled and responded, "Yup, its the season!" I have no idea if he saw what my sprinty nose had brought forth and chose to ignore it, or had been spared the holy shoe baptism.

For the next shoe I thought, okay, I need to find a way to tie this shoe without inverting my head. So I hoisted my foot up onto the bench and faced upwards as I blindly tied my shoe. IT HAPPENED AGAIN. The stream returned and ran its course all the way down my sleeve. I swear the stream had its own current, it was so determined. Like it wanted everyone to know: I came, I conquered, I humiliated.

At this point things were getting out of hand and I couldn't handle a third streaming situation. So while my kind gentledude went to the back to look for a smaller size, I hauled my barefoot ass (not my bare ass) to the bathroom to mop up a bit. Luckily it was all water, so I didn't feel quite as disgusting.

In the end, I didn't find the perfect shoe. But a contender has been ordered and will hopefully be in the store next week. I shall call it the Neti Pot shoe.