Today I attended the weirdest yoga class I have ever been to. Let me give you a little background info on this.

BACKGROUND INFO
I recently joined a rock climbing gym; not because I'm a badass rock climber--I'm a SICKASS rock climber--but because the one month trial was a pretty good deal. You get unlimited access to the rock climbing walls, the yoga classes, the gym, and the sauna. (I have yet to venture forth into the sauna for fear of bad etiquette). Figured that until classes start up I would give it a shot, then see if its a worthy investment. I am also waiting on Alex, my dear friend and co-habitant, to return so that he may help me go from being a SICKASS rock climber to a RADASS rock climber. I can't even imagine being a OFFTHEHOOKASS rock climber, because then I would fall.

So much was wrong with this "Hatha 2" class. Let's start with the soundtrack, and before I even begin, may I say that I tend to scrutinize the use of music during yoga? Because I do. Unless it's some passive-ass shit (like rainforest in springtime right after frog genocide), I find it distracting.

THE SOUNDTRACK
Base-driven hip hop beats and Radiohead. What? During one particularly dizzying song the instructor said "Next time you're at a rave, do triangle pose. You won't even need ecstasy."


Then came the instructor's way of expressing his yoga philosophy. The idea seemed right, but the phrasing was off.

INSTRUCTOR'S EXPRESSION OF PHILOSOPHY
"See, we don't want to be assholes and bitches. So dedicate this pose to someone you love."

Also, instructional tourettes.